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Sunday 04/09/11 - See I told you I would update again before Christmas

This week has been a bizzare mixture of ok's and low's, Work was very very strange and despite having an ever increasing workload, we are not sure about out jobs and we won't know if we still have one or even if we do, will we still be working from our current location.

Murray has been getting a right little clever clogs, sometimes a little to clever by half. He is into everything at the moment and daddy is being sent out to get stairgates and drawer catches etc this week. Lorna has left me alone to get on with the crux site, which is nearing completion, I know I have been saying that for ever, but the truth is I built a site, then rebuilt an entirely different one because the first one just didn't feel right.

Anyway I know you are here just to see Murray so without further ado, Murray is a big boy now because his new cup has no handles! (is it just me or does it look exactly like scaled down pint glass?

Mine's a warm milk

 

Monday 29/08/11 - The Truth

Hello

OK so here is the truth. The reason there has been no updates for half a year is that I was and still am going through a major depression that I have been unable to shift. I have been proscribed ever increasing strength drugs to try and keep me on the sane side, but to be honest I am not sure how successful these have been. They have made me numb in some ways but haven't stopped me feeling so desperately sad and alone.

There have been a few real stars that without their help and support I wouldn't have made it this far. The court case is nearing closure in a few months and I can't have that come soon enough. It will be the closure on a chapter of my life that has been awful.

So what about the good things? Well Murray had his first birthday in July and he is growing up so fast that I dare not take my eyes off him for a second. He is now crawling around all over the place and he loves brushing his teeth and splashing in the bath. We went on out first family holiday and Gran and Grandad came too! we all had a great time and I have some pictures to show you all.

A few people have said "I guess the wolfworks is finished?" the honest answer is I got bored saying how dark my life was, and I am sure that you all must have thought "change the record Don" but now I am trying to regain my life and this is a small but significant step in regaining control.

So I am going to call it quits at this for the moment, but look out for some pictures and other things later on today or tomorrow.

Thanks to all my real friends, you know who you are and I love you loads and will be forever grateful for helping me survive.

OK I am back today with the pictures so here we go

Guess who took this one? that's right GRANDAD at Bodmin Station

Tintangle Castle, the real Camelot?

More of the same (nice blue sea, in the UK?)

Doc Martin's gaff, Port Issac, Cornwall. It was a nice place but nothing much to do apart from walk down the hill and then back up again.

One of the only pictures of Lorna and I on Holiday, again I was feeling lucky not have been harpooned by the fishermen.

Murray took in all the sights from the comfort of his pushchair, he was as good as gold all holiday.

Mummy and Murray on the bridge over the steam railway, we had our own platfor under the bridge, that was sweet. You stood in the middle of the tracks and the train stopped.

Out intrepid explorer ready for the beach.

On the way back home we stopped in to see Uncle Bill and introduce him to Murray. They got on like a house on fire.

Murray tries a swing for the first time, he was a little unsure at first but soon was loving it!

Livi leads the way....all the way

Bath time on holiday in the belfast sink.

I think he will grow up to have a hot tub in the garden

Murray and Grandad paddle in the sea for the first time, he loved the feeling of the sand, but was not a huge fan of the cold water.

Getting bigger every day

Murray loves to brush his teeth, apparently every kid is supposed to hate it?

Murray loves a 'nana at 3pm

Munch munch

Ball pit

soft play

Cuddles

Nuff said.

 

 

Sunday 06/03/11 - An update? no way (yes way Ted).

Hello anyone out there that bothers to check up on this site! I know most people have given up hope of there ever being an update again (so I don't blame them). So anyway life is all about little monkey called Murray, and despite some of the usual upsets and tears, it is the best thing ever. We have been quite busy doing lots. Murray is loving his swimming and his other clubs so he has a very busy social life (he does something every day). All I have to look forward to is work (nuff said).

Anyway I went to collect the take away on Sat night and as I pulled out of the drive there was a massive BANG of snapping steel. It was the front left coil spring snapping! great just what I need right now. SUPER!

Murray stayed at Gran and Grandad's on Friday. It was a landmark day, as it was the first time that Lorna and I had been apart from Murray since he was born. It was a very nervous night for us, but the wee soul had a blast and Gran and Grandad's and they tired each other out. It was amazing to see how comfortable he is with them. Grandad did a superb job of feeding Murray and Gran showed her experience by rocking Murray to sleep in about 20 seconds.

It was 2535's dinner dance last night, it was fantastic to see everyone again, some amazing people in that squadron and its very true to say that I was sad driving away home.

I ended up in hospital 2 weeks ago with some very serious food poisoning, I will spare you the details but lets just say I won't be eating from a buffet ever again!

I am sure lots of other things have been happening, but that's it for now.

 

Monday 07/02/11 - Trying to stay awake

Hi everyone,

Ewan has had a blinder in the art world, he has sold his item of work in the glasgow gallery, but not only that he was the first person to sell anything and he also won a prize, very awesome!

Arlene had a birthday, (74 right?) and many happy returns to her! I have been pretty busy with my other site (which is now finished) so I wanted to post some more pictures of Murray (the only reason anyone even bothers to look at the site anymore) so here you go, we have been ever such a big boy. We are well into our solids and also we have been learning to swim at the little swimmers class, and also how to sign at the tiny talk class. Murray has a great social life, we should all be so lucky.

Mhairi and Ivo have moved away down to ayrshire, we are very sad to see them go :-(

mmmm Pasta!

getting ready for swimming

What a happy little soul (I love this picture!)

More feeding hijynx at Granny and Grandad's

bless

if you look closely you can just make out the big thing on the left!

Murray's first ride in his big boys car seat (must be comfy!)

Dad makes "Rack 2.0" (25% smaller and same capacity)

 

Sunday 23/01/11 - The "bunker" is now home

Hi, a few bits of new this week (well fortnight almost) firstly due to my rubbish end of year review I have suffered some setbacks in the mental state stakes, very dark and frustrated. Secondly the team have now been moved (well I say been moved, I should say had to move ourselves) into the bunker. It is a room for 100 people in the bowels of the building, and there are 3 of us in that room (and Sharon, when she comes back from maternity leave). It will be an interesting experience, and a test of my manager skills otherwise we could be looking at a lord of the flies type of event.

Secondly I have been investing 100% of my spare time in a new website for all my 40K stuff, it is very different, and something out of the ordinary for me, I will be posting a link on launch day (TBA).

It was the Burns Supper last night and it was great, I just can't type to much about it at the moment as I am feeling a bit on the ill side, in fact I am not sure when I will get a chance to upload this.

Bed beckons

 

Tuesday 11/01/11 - Andover the cash and no one get's hurt

Hello all,

Today I have traveled to Andover (near southampton) It appears to be a nice little town, with a massive amount of housing estates surrounding it. I got up at middle of the night o'clock (I never have a good nights sleep the night before I need to get up very early for a flight as I always panic about sleeping in) and went to the airport. The bus was leaving as I was pulling in so that meant 20 minutes waiting for the next one (joy!). When I got in to the departures lounge I went to WH Smiths to buy a magazine (in this case White Dwarf), the thing is that every time before this time I had gone to WH Smiths and then thought £5 for a magazine, no way, but this time I was going to spend the cash, as I didn't want a repeat performance of the super freak out I had the last time I flew. After getting all my ducks in a row to go and buy the mag, they didn't have any, so I was back to the Metro (free paper).

The plane was a Dash 8 (I am not a massive fan of the drone noise that is still with me many hours later) and the pilot did warn us that is was going to be a very bumpy climb and decent, but the cruise would be ok. He was right on all counts the climb was as choppy as a force 9. Anyway we arrived in one piece, so for that I am thankful. No major freak outs on the plane (a few moments but I managed to get them under control before they made a break for it).

When I arrived in the arrivals hall Paul Simpson was there to meet me (holding a sign no less, gosh did I feel important) and we jumped in his car and away we went. We chatted about his background and his role and other things, all in all a very nice guy indeed. We continued the chat over coffee and then lunch. I am staying in a bank owned training center (it is like a private hotel) and seems no worse than a lot of places I have stayed (and I bet it is half the price!).

So for my sins I forgot to pick up a DVD on the way out the door this morning, so I will be updating the portal page on this site and adding a few other bits and bobs as I see fit.

I am missing Lorna and Murray already, so I will give them a call before bed. I have my annual review in the morning so I need to do some prep work for that.

I did a monster rant on the 40K site today (its is 3 pages long!) if you want o know why I have problems with money, then check it out, if you don't care, then don't bother.

 

Sunday 09/01/11 - Sunday, bucket o' keek

It's sunday and 20:00 and yes you guessed it, I am sitting here on the laptop trying my best to type in between being forced to watch dancing on ice. Today was a typical Sunday, I spent most of it not looking forward to Monday. It was good to see mum and dad, who popped over for a few hours.

I spent almost all day on Saturday in the garage with my £2 off cut of wood, it was always going to be a prototype, and a chance to use my new tools for the first time. There were a few setbacks (the end fence of my table saw sits 2 degrees squint and I never even got my router to switch on), but as far as a PROTOTYPE goes it went quite well. I need to speak nicely to Terry the tool, because there are a few things his things I need to use (but mainly I was conscious of the noise I was making and worried about hacking my neighbors off). So I was working in the garage in -3 degrees for about 6 hours. It was fun (when the going was good) and was a nightmare (when I didn't have the right tool or whatever). All in all I was happy with the end result, but it is far from perfect. Still onwards and upwards eh?

Laying out the cut and router lines

Measuring the shelves, in the end a slightly out of alignment end fence made them all slightly squint anyway

Just waiting on the wholes for the paint pots to be drilled, I am very happy with it as a prototype.

Looks smart!

Murray is sleeping soundly in his own room, Lorna and I have been dozing because we were so worried about how he would be, but he has been fine. So tonight I hope that we can all get a good nights sleep.

I have had a glimpse into what the working year is going to look like, and it would be fair to say that I am moving ever further away from my dream job. I am cool with it though, because at the end of the day this job is putting food on the table.

So this week is looking to be a bit of a change, for reasons that I will go into later, but my paint set should be with me by the end of the week, here is hoping that my Forstner bit finally arrives from Hong Kong (2nd time lucky!).

My hope is to take the lessons learned from the prototype and make a V2.0 next weekend, so that on next Sunday I can go to bed with my new paint rack filled with my new paints, golden daemon here I come!

 

 

Friday 07/01/11 - Back to work

Firstly the blog for 2010, has been moved (the page was nearly 2 MB to load, and it was causing some glitches on older machines)

So the blog for 2010 can be found here

and the blog for 2009 can be found here

And so we all trudge back to work, it is freezing cold still and every morning I am walking out into the cold darkness and scraping the ice of the car for 10 minutes before I can get into it and drive off. Before someone says "should buy some de-icer" that wasn't working this morning!

I am not enjoying being back at work, I got used to spending time with Murray and Lorna during the Christmas break. He has been a little smarty pants this week, as he started to crawl on Monday and last night he was zooming about the place, by this time next week he will be flying around the place (a trip to ikea to buy a new TV unit is on the cards shortly).

I finally did something reckless the other night and I am shocked to say that I felt the same rush as people who shoplift for the "thrill" must feel. I wanted to buy the Games workshop paint set (see me moaning about it for the last 6 months) and mum and dad gave me some money to help towards one for Christmas. I was hoping to find one that someone had got for Christmas and decided that they wanted to flog it to buy cheap cider or petrol for their new hot hatch, and the other night I was on ebay when a paint set was listed, and I pounced within about 20 seconds! SO the postman will be struggling down the path shortly with a paint set!

This has given me the kick up the backside I needed to get building my new design of paint rack, again see the last 6 months worth of blogs to see the story of the hell on earth I have put myself through trying to justify building one.

And so what next? well I have a complete and practically unused Vallejo paint set (including storage case) that retails for £150, I am open to offers from friends before I stick it on ebay (I will be sticking it on ebay for £90, so make me an offer!)

So this weekend I hope to finally get to grips with the router and my other new tools, and you never know, before Monday "Black Paw Solutions" might be in business!

I need to do something constructive, as this helps me to relax. Funnily enough my shrink was on the phone yesterday telling me that they want to send me into art therapy. I like the sound of that, I always wanted to throw a pot.

So I have high hopes for this weekend, unfortunately it is these sorts of weekends that have the potential to come crashing down on top of me and put me into a bad mood.

 

Tuesday 03/01/11 - Happy New Year!

Hello everyone,

I hope that you all had a great time at new years? Lorna, Murray and I had a quiet one as we all had the cold. We waited up for the bells then watched 2 episodes of Father Ted, and still laughing went to sleep.

Murray is now officially 6 months old, it is bizarre, that the last 3 months have flown in, and as I write this he is closer to his first birthday than the day he was born, our little boy, growing up so fast.

Lorna has been an absolute star these holiday weeks, and my appreciation for everything she does knows no bounds, thanks babe for being wonderful.

We have seen Gran and Grandad today, and as usual Murray was the star of the show, Lorna and I managed to nip out to the shops while gran and grandad looked after Murray. We have also managed to see a few other people including William and Angela, who were over from America to see their family. Colin, Elaine and Ethan also popped in for a visit it was great to see them. They are 2 months ahead of us in the journey so it is very helpful to hear what they think about certain products, ideas and whathaveyou.

I hope that Auntie Sandra and Uncle Cam, can get to us for a visit before heading of to the far east, if you are reading this please get in touch!

So all in all a very bust but enjoyable start to the year, and on the plus side, Lorna said to me today "wow after eights for a £1" and I said "yeah, that's amazing, but we are trying to be good", no I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but as first steps go, it wasn't that bad!

 

Thursday 22/12/10 - Merry Christmas!

Hi everyone, this is the xmas update as I expect to be very busy over the next 48 hours.

Firstly Murray has been swamped with presents, everyone that has passed on a present, thank you so much on behalf of Murray. I know that money is tight for everyone, but it looks like Murray will do very well for himself on the 25th.

Lorna and I swapped rooms over the last 2 days, it wasn't supposed to be a massive job, but it ended up like that. A lot of the stuff in our rooms hadn't been touched since we moved in (wow that was a year ago!) so we took the opportunity to clean up and throw out. Well that was the plan but the bins are all still out and are over flowing, so I might just keep the non smelly stuff in the garage. It has now been 2 weeks below freezing and it is showing no signs of climbing any higher than 0.

So what a year it has been eh? If you are one of the regulars here you will know that so much has happened in such a small space of time it's hard to get your head around.

The house move from hell was only recently brought to an end (3 weeks ago!) with the insurance payment to pay for the damage from the burst shower when we moved in. I feel really good about that little victory as my lawyer and nearly everyone else said "give up" or "you are wasting your time", but the stubborn mule that I am just couldn't give up. So that was a sweet day when that cheque arrived!

Then obviously the pregnancy that was a nightmare for us to conceal from you all, Lorna and I have agreed that we are not cut out for the James Bond lifestyle as it was such a headache to keep it under wraps. It was such a great day when I was able to tell you all. The excitement of wondering if it was a boy or a girl, and all the million other things that I wondered about, that before I hadn't even given a second thought. People told me that it would change our world in so many ways that we would forget what had come before, and there is no doubt that they were right.

The 13th of July was a day that I will never forget, I had just finished a rubbish teleconference at work and was looking forward to grabbing something to eat and a quick walk around the block, Lorna called to say I was to go to the hospital.....I won't repeat the story you all know what happened.

I thank my luck stars every day that Murray was strong enough to pull through, because some babies in his ward didn't make it. When I looked at him stuck in his little box under the UV lights, I felt something that I had never felt before, I was truly helpless in the most basic meaning of the word. There was a fight going on inches from my hands as they were pressed against the glass, and yet there was nothing I could do, nothing. It helped put the world in a bit of perspective.

The bad news is that it also reinforced my belief that life was a very fragile thing and could be snuffed out. It must sound strange to you but it only hit me after the car crash that I was going to die. Yes I know that sounds weird, but it's also true. I have been one of these people that prepared for the worst case (with life assurance, will's and so on), and hoped for the best case. But after meeting with Prof McMillan, and being referred to the rivers center, I can at least accept that life is short and sometimes brutal, but at least I was born, and had a chance to experience life in all it's glory. This is something I want to do more of, I think there may be a passport renewal in my future.

So to that end I am gearing up to prepare myself for next year and the challenge that it brings. By this time next year I want to be in clothes not made in a circus tent factory and to have a BMI that doesn't cause morticians to look out the "Coffin's for the fuller figure". I am so desperately unhappy with myself, I just don't even look in the mirror lately. I hate this person staring back at me, he is twice the man I want to be. Dave made me gasp when he lost all that weight in such a short space of time. He looked ill and very unhealthy, but when it stablised and he started eating food again and going to the gym, he looked amazing. I just don't have the will power to do that sort of diet, so I will need to find another way.

That makes it sound like it's all doom and gloom this Christmas, but it's not. I want to get fit, for my benefit and for Lorna and Murray. I don't want Murray to miss out on a kick about in the garden with daddy because he can't fit through the door.

Yes, I want to get control of my life back, it has been missing since the crash, and although I sometimes hear from self restraint, we don't really speak that often. I am afraid that pride and I are only on christmas card terms at the moment. I have sent them both a message on face book, and I hope that we can all agree that we are better together, and we can make a nice friendship again.

So my priority for next year is to get myself back, because as I recall I wasn't that bad as a person.

And so to the message,

Seasons greetings to you all, we hope that you are with friends and kin, and that you get what your heart desires on the 25th. With Love and best wishes from;

Don, Lorna and Murray